2002-01-29

Who am I?

If this was a movie I might follow that question up with some cheesy sound bite: "I don't quite know. I remain as much of a stranger to myself as I do to others." But since this is not a movie, and nobody paid $6.00 - can you believe it, the price actually went DOWN? � to understand the workings of my life, I'll spare you the drama. I am a college student. I am a huge Buffy fan. I am just a girl � technically, I'm just a woman, but you won't see me getting all pissy if you happen to call me a girl or a chick � trying to reconcile all the pieces of me. I believe that the sexes can be different but still respect each other. Translation: this is not a male-bashing web site. I love guys. They're fun and quite often they smell nice.

There are several things about myself that I would change, but that I recognize are all inherently me: my laziness, my tendency to be fanatical about those things that I enjoy, my ability to recite the career and season statistics for most New York Mets, and my inability to sit through an entire episode of Star Trek.

I find out a lot of things about myself in the way that I guess many other people do � by trying new things, testing my beliefs, and connecting with other people, those who do and do not share my viewpoints. I've learned some of my greatest lessons from people I don't necessarily like, but who I have to respect for their ability to express themselves and their beliefs.

I feel blessed to have grown up in a town that is quite diverse, religiously, racially, ethnically, you name it. Still, I've done a lot of my learning about others in college. Growing up in a suburb of New York City did little to prepare me for the bastion of conservatism that is central Virginia. For all the diversity that existed where I grew up (and there was a lot), there was a tendency toward liberal thought that I never noticed until I went back home after my first year of college.

And so I am first a person trying to find my way through the world. I am constantly reevaluating what it is that I believe and why I believe it. I am a Christian who does not believe that non-Christians go to hell�I'm not even sure that hell exists, or what one would have to do to go there (indefinitely prolong the career of Jerry Falwell?). I am a pro-lifer (inching towards putting an end to the justification and just calling myself pro-choice) who thinks that it would be criminally stupid to outlaw abortion. Who am I to interfere with another woman's right to choose? I am a proud black woman who has a thing for the male half of the species, regardless of race. I am all these things and many more that I don't feel comfortable sharing, don't know how to put into words, or simply don't know about yet, myself.