2003-02-03

My hair looks amazing. Seriously. I just got back from looking at in the mirror. Right now, my hair looks fabulous. There�s just no other way to describe it. So why am I writing about it? Because I�m going to bed in about an hour, and then I�ll sleep on it and wake up with AM hair. And that�s not good.

AM hair is unmanageable, and the more I try to do with it, the less it cooperates. My hair is perverse and evil, and possibly Republican. When I wake up in the morning and having things to do and people to see, it wants to go all over the place. No matter how I do my hair, when I wake up, it�s in total disarray. If I wear curlers to bed, I�ll wake up with hair that curls up and the end, instead of under, the way I set it. I don�t like flippy hair, but that�s what I get. If I don�t wear curlers, then I wake up with hair that points in every direction known to man and a few that have yet to be discovered. Then I look like I just came off a five day bender. I really can�t win.

It�s not for lack of trying. I�ve been engaged in a battle of wits with my hair for the greater portion of my life, and I haven�t even come close to winning. Instead of sucking all the time, which I would have to learn how to deal with, my hair has developed an infuriating and ingenious strategy whereby it will look great only when I don�t need it to. Like right now, for instance. I mean, who am I going to impress here�my pillow? My stuffed animals? They may snuggle with me at night, but they really don�t care how my hair looks. We all know that there�s nobody else in this bed, so it�s not like I can toss my artfully disheveled mane while I�m flashing a come-hither stare.

So why does my hair do this to me? I take care of it. I love it, and I wash it, and I decorate it with pretty, pretty things. I�d be more inclined to do it if I thought that it would show even the littlest gratitude, but I think that it has already demonstrated that any cooperation that occurs will be strictly accidental.

Bah! I like my hair when it�s braided, because it�s easier, and I think that I look much better that way. Still, I don�t feel like myself when I look like that. I feel like I�ve tricked people into liking me, and I feel much more comfortable without braids. So I�m wearing my hair down, and I�m letting it grow, which is a challenge, since hairdressers seem to like giving me haircuts. I think there�s some sort of international conspiracy to keep prevent my hair from ever passing my shoulders. Well ha, cosmetologists! I defy you and your shears. Thanks to you, my hair and I are closer than ever to achieving solidarity. Well, not really, but a girl can dream.